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leana106 Title: The Silmarillion Rewrite
Author: Jenavira
Status: Incomplete
Genre: Humour, Parody
Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/127644/navigate
Summary:
The Silmarillion
Translated from the Elvish by Professor J.R.R. Tolkien
Translated from Professor Tolkien's Handwriting by Christopher Tolkien
Translated Lovingly from the Tokienish by jenavira
Extract:
The Elves, uncertain of what to do with themselves, wandered about Cuiviénen and the nearby realms, gazing in wonder at everything and proceeding to make up names for all that they saw (because what this story really needs is more names for things). They called themselves the Quendi, meaning 'those who speak,' because even then the Elves loved nothing more than the sound of their own voices.
This was, however, to their own advantage, for if Oromë had not overheard their singing whilst he rode across the mountains of Middle Earth for no real apparent reason, they might well have lived out the whole of the First Age by Cuiviénen, naming things and boring one another to death.
But find them he did, and when Oromë first looked upon the Elves, he was awestruck by their beauty. He named them in their own tongue Eldar, 'people of the stars,' for apparently the urge to name everything in sight is contagious. But the Elves were not so impressed by him -- they had seen many shadows of Melkor in the woods and, being not completely stupid, they feared that Oromë might be one of them. Many fled when they saw him coming, and it is said that they were captured by Melkor, and the things he would have done to them are not nice at all. Let's just say there's a reason the Orcs have pointy ears, and leave it at that, hm?
Chapter 6, Of the Coming of the Elves and the Captivity of Melkor
